Transcript: Hi guys! I’m Anna Talerico, with Married2Growth and this a quick management tip for giving feedback, inspired by an old Buddhist saying.
Before you give any feedback to a team member, ask yourself these three questions: First, is it necessary? Second, It is true? Third, is it kind? Is it necessary, is it true, is it kind?
Clearly, this is a really, really simple set of questions. You might think it’s too simple, but I actually find them to be incredibly useful. As a manager and leader, I’ve given feedback that landed perfectly. But I’ve also botched the delivery more times than I care to think about. Asking myself these questions prior to providing any type of feedback helps me calibrate what I am doing and be thoughtful in my approach.
IS IT TRUE? Have you ever given feedback only to later realize you were wrong? Or that it didn’t matter that much in the big scheme of things? Or the scenario you thought happened really didn’t happen that way? We are often wrong. Asking myself ‘is it true’ gives me a moment to pause. It allows me to look at things from different angles. When I ask this question thoughtfully I sometimes am surprised by the answer—especially when giving feedback on something I didn’t witness myself or haven’t experienced myself when working with that person.
IS IT NECESSARY? You might be a control freak. Or have those tendencies. Lots of entrepreneurs and managers do. I do, and if left unchecked it can cause me to overload people with feedback. By asking the “is it necessary” question and reflecting on the resulting internal answer, I am able to filter out the petty or inconsequential feedback. The only feedback that actually matters is that which helps the business, or the individual, meet its goals.
IS IT KIND? I ask myself, ‘am I delivering this feedback in a way that someone outside looking in would consider to be kind?’. I am incredibly direct and sometimes wear my frustration on my sleeve. So, asking this question in advance helps me consider how to approach giving feedback and the resulting conversation I will have with the employee. I want to act in a way that is kind, in all situations, as I believe it helps build a better workplace culture.
And that’s it! This is one of the ways I think about giving feedback, and I expand on it more over in my article that inspired this video, so I hope you’ll check that out. And, as always, thanks for watching!